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Pick Your Nose

by Howard Spear

The debate is on about whether it is OK to pick your nose in public or in private. "To Pick or not to pick", that is the question.

My intensive research has led me to accumulate these pieces of information and form these opinions.

The "survey" says that despite the issue of social acceptance or not, most Americans admit that they pick their noses in public. Sometimes you just have to do it.


The trick is not to get caught. I hear tell that those who actually pick their noses (notice I am careful by inference to exclude myself), have many techniques to disguise the action.

Some like to force air through the nostrils in quick short bursts to carefully lift or push the offending booger mass closer to the opening of the nose.

This can help to determine if it is "pickable" or too deeply buried causing the need for a full blown mining expedition.

When the offending snot is close enough or determined to be loose enough to be mined, some deception is mandatory.
One move is to be sure nobody is talking to you directly or looking at you.

A fake nose scratching can disguise the reason for the hand being so near the olfactory orifice.
It is a short trip in and out to snatch and grab the snoticular mass.
Read on for more techniques that can help you to save face when caught.

As long as you have no obvious booger on your finger you can claim that your nose hairs are itchy and driving you crazy! Take the nasal one fingered plunge again for emphasis!

There are 2 major methods of disposal of the snot. One is a quick flick. While driving, out the window is best, of course with your hand lower than the window so that any passengers in front have no idea what your are up to.

Watch out for back seat passengers, as the rejected mass can fly up and back into the open rear passenger window and get them in the face. If they do have an outburst of, "What the hell was that?" You can suggest a bird may have crapped, and it came in the window.
Method 2:
Roll the thing into a ball. The more you roll, the harder and smaller it gets. Finally let it drop to the floor and no-one will be the wiser. (You hope) Remember, most people would never say "A-ha I caught you picking your nose! Show me that snot! See, there you've done it; you are a nose picker!"

Appropriately manicured fingernails are just the thing for greater ease in the extraction of boogerage. Although men tend to keep their nails short one finger can be assigned to the task on a permanent basis and always kept a little longer so as to be able to better scrape or seize the nasal chunk.

A wonderful remark when caught is to say "Damn nosebleeds". You can claim to be applying direct pressure to the bleeding so as to staunch the flow. I like the intellectual and professional sound of this myself. I suggest then going off to the restroom before anyone realizes that you have no blood on your finger. In the urinatorium/defecatorium you can wash your hands and send the chunk on it's way to the sewerage treatment facility.

And now for the "Piece De Resistance"...
 This is an interesting medical conclusion: Picking your nose and eating the snot is good for your immune system. Pick your nose and eat it.  Some people may like to do that.

There is a doctor from Innsbruck, specializing in the lungs. He believes that "People who pick their noses with their fingers are healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies."
He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.

Dr. Bischinger is quoted as saying:

"With the finger you can get to places you just can't reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner, and eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system".

Try this at your own risk and peril:
I like to get in the shower and turn the hand attachment to a direct narrow spray and shoot it up my nose. I then can blow the offending catarrh etc. out with the flush of water that I had introduced. I repeat until satisfied. Feels great!
On the bus a student picked a massive green slime beast from his nose and discretely wiped it on another student's coat. Of course the other student was unaware of this insult. This was most likely as revenge for some previous grievance.

 So , go and blow it out your nose already.

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